Violence is the Answer

I had a cuppa at an old haunt – FINICKY FINGERS in Woodcroft, South Australia. It used to be Café 16, and is the only place nearby that sells loose leaf tea in any great quality – about 20-30 types.

I wanted a LAPSANG SOUCHONG, the MANLIEST OF TEAS, because I have been renovating a room, a very manly pursuit.

It was painfully obvious that, in additional to being unable to pronounce it, they were perpetrating the WORST SORT OF TEA FRAUD, and selling me a cup of tea with some sort of ARTIFICIAL SMOKE FLAVOUR.

I considered SMASHING THE PLACE UP A BIT, but instead, made my point by leaving in a dignified manner, and entirely undrunk “tea” on may table.



  1. Wow, the audacity. Is it possible that they were so clueless that they didn’t even realize they bought artificially flavored tea?

  2. Next time you should probably go in there armed with two big pine sticks. Pull up your sleeves, reveal muscles. Grunt. Vigorously rub sticks together, start fire. Toss bunch of tea leaves into basket. Hold over flames. Ignore burns on hands. Dry leaves but keep grunting. Done!
    There, that’ll teach ’em. Nothing artificial now about this tea is there man beast?

  3. “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent” (Asimov) but I am sure the good Doctor had never faced such a problem.

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