Here’s a quote about WINE – or old stale grape juice as I usually call it.
“A wine must be as clear as the tears of a penitent… When drunk, it should descend impetuously like thunder, sweet-tasted as an almond, creeping like a squirrel, leaping like a roebuck, strong like the building of a Cistercian monastery, glittering like a spark of fire, subtle as the logic of the schools of Paris, delicate as fine silk and cold as crystal.”
-Alexander Neckham, 1200-ish
What a load of old cobblers. These wine types, they love to just spout gibberish, don’t they? I can imagine it now:
Le Connoisseur du Vin Pretentious: Waiter!
Waiter: Yes, Sir?
LCdVP: This wine is not right!
Waiter: “Not right”, Sir?
LCdVP: The Roebuck is not leaping sufficiently.
Waiter: I don’t follow, Sir.
LCdVP: Not springing like a Roebuck should. Also, the spark of fire should be glitteryer; and I don’t think the impetuosity is quite as impetuous as it should be.
Waiter: Ah, Sir, I am with you now. Here’s my taser, Sir
LCdVP: Blgghh. Slrrrp.N-N-N-Nggfreeesh woooohhh
Waiter: Nothing like 12,000 volts to spark up that impetuosity, eh, Sir? You just lay there on the carpet, which I hope is to your liking., I’ll help myself to a tip from your wallet and then get a cleaner to mop up your dribble, Sir.
You get the point.
I fully agree that tea reviews need to be more than “me and the missus drank it. and it was ace. All malty ‘n stuff”.
But I question whether they need to involve archaic and cryptic Chinese Terms.
Because, as with wine, there’s a fine line between descriptive and masturbatory ; and almost no line at all line between inscrutably intellectual and Johnny-No-Friends.
Whatever you want to say about tea. I support it. If it doesn’t make me laugh, that’s no big deal- it doesn’t have to.
If what you say makes me laugh at the tea or the merchant, then great.
If it makes me laugh at YOU, you might want to consider a career in wine.